Finding the beauty in every breath.
The depth of who we are goes far deeper than what
can be merely reflected on the outside, leaving so much of ourselves beneath
the surface to be invisible to the world. What is reflected on the outside
might give way and insight into who we are, but it cannot fully illustrate the
depth of what lies within ourselves that makes us completely who we are.
Normal Lungs |
Cystic Fibrosis is often referred to as an
"invisible disease." Meaning, that to general onlookers I appear perfectly
ordinary and healthy. I used to think that one of the greatest compliments I
could receive was when people would say, "I would have never known that
you have CF." Somehow, I always thought those comments meant I was
winning; that I was mastering the art of concealing this terribly horrifying
and ugly side of myself. The more I projected an image for the world to see, the
more I was suppressing the reality that lied deep within. The true person
within myself only allowed so much to be exposed to the world: preventing even
the closest of friends and family to know the extent of the realities that
filled my life and my thoughts.
I used to get a high from such compliments, but I know it all was just a game to me. A game in which I truly was the one losing, even though for a brief moment I thought was victorious. I thought that if maybe I could hide CF from the world and do it successfully, that somehow this life stealing disease really didn't exist. But it does, and it's a part of who I am. It affects the very foundation of my life: every breath. I, myself, am still dumfounded at moments when I look in the mirror. I wonder how something from within myself could be so ruthlessly killing me, when on the outside there are so very few clues alluding to the devastation happening beneath the surface.
I used to get a high from such compliments, but I know it all was just a game to me. A game in which I truly was the one losing, even though for a brief moment I thought was victorious. I thought that if maybe I could hide CF from the world and do it successfully, that somehow this life stealing disease really didn't exist. But it does, and it's a part of who I am. It affects the very foundation of my life: every breath. I, myself, am still dumfounded at moments when I look in the mirror. I wonder how something from within myself could be so ruthlessly killing me, when on the outside there are so very few clues alluding to the devastation happening beneath the surface.
My CF Lungs |
What
we see on the outside is just a mere glimpse into the vastness of who we really
are. Sometimes, we share only a small portion of ourselves with the world
:allowing people to only get so close and keeping them a safe distance from
knowing who we really are.
But those things we hide deep within us away from the unsuspecting world are part of what make us unique, make us beautiful, and make us truly who we are. It's those very things that make relationships more
meaningful and allow us to be honest with ourselves: allowing us to gain a
deeper insight from within and into those who make our life most beautiful. Love to you
all.
Fight CF -
Donate to www.cff.org to
help be a part of life saving treatments and the quest for a cure.
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