The sun sets upon the deepest and most brilliant of hues. Streaks of rich magenta are bridled against the soft yet embracing amber rays of the sun. As the sun dips below the horizon, I suddenly become aware of just how quickly day turns to night - of how quickly I'm losing today. As I stare into the setting sun, I can’t help but feel this desperate urge to outstretch my hands towards the horizon and cradle the sun in my hands - holding it just above the horizon as to not let the final moments of this day disappear.
As I stare into the vast horizon, its beauty leaves me truly breathless, and I find myself fighting a rising lump in my throat that has been building for some time - a well of emotion encapsulated in tenacious stoicism I grip tightly to, just to merely survive some days. The setting sun reflects off of the calmed ocean water like a mirror into my soul - causing my heart to desperately ache for the gift of time. For the last week, I’ve been gifted countless breathtaking sunsets set upon an unforgettable seascape. Every night, the sky painted with the most stunning and awe-inspiring colors and textures - transforming into something more spectacular with each passing breath. Most of all, each has been a priceless and purposeful gift my soul has needed more than I could ever possibly say. A gift that forces me to reflect on my own life, its unchangeable truth, the brevity of it all, and the unique beauty that is painted upon every breath.
A Blinding Chaos
My life lived in the middle of my big little city tends to engulf me in its steady chaos. And to be honest, I feel most alive when every moment is consumed. For better and for worse, I’ve learned over the years it is a way in which I steadily cope with the uncertainties of life, its uncontrollable conditions, this thing called CF, and a tomorrow that is never guaranteed. To my own demise and flawed character, as the busyness of the world around me escalates I wholeheartedly immerse myself into its rhythmic consuming pace - very rarely noticing the spectacular colors adorning the evening skies with every setting sun just outside my window.
In all honesty, I know that I subconsciously avoid those sunsets - believing that in doing so time itself will stand still. But, it’s so much more than that. At the very core of all I am, what I truly am hoping for is this unstoppable and ever-present reality in my life called cystic fibrosis will stand still, to be frozen in time, or most of all, for its progress to merely cease. I shield my eyes and heart from the sunsets and the realities of CF. I shield them from its unforgiving presence and its evident reminders of life’s brevity. When the stunning silent painted skies do catch my eye I feel the beat of my heart quicken, a catch in my breath, and that familiar heartache present in my chest. I quickly close my eyes, take a deep breath, and turn back into my busied world, pressing forward with nothing more than the deep wish to hold a sunset within my hands.
In all honesty, I know that I subconsciously avoid those sunsets - believing that in doing so time itself will stand still. But, it’s so much more than that. At the very core of all I am, what I truly am hoping for is this unstoppable and ever-present reality in my life called cystic fibrosis will stand still, to be frozen in time, or most of all, for its progress to merely cease. I shield my eyes and heart from the sunsets and the realities of CF. I shield them from its unforgiving presence and its evident reminders of life’s brevity. When the stunning silent painted skies do catch my eye I feel the beat of my heart quicken, a catch in my breath, and that familiar heartache present in my chest. I quickly close my eyes, take a deep breath, and turn back into my busied world, pressing forward with nothing more than the deep wish to hold a sunset within my hands.
Sunrise to Sunset
Even after the sun disappears from the horizon, the ever-changing sky paints the most awe-inspiring views. As the sunset's breathtaking radiance pours down upon my face, I feel the ache in my heart turn to a humbled and inexpressible gratitude- a gratitude that could never be adequately conveyed through words but only seen through the stirring reflection in my eyes and felt by placing one’s hand atop my heart. While I will never be able to hold time between my hands, nor will I ever be able to stop cystic fibrosis from vying to steal every last breath I am given, I will always have this very moment - one that is painted with an abundance of incomparable life-filled beauty and built upon a collection of sunsets past. I’ve learned even when the last bit of light disappears into the horizon and I feel that pang of sadness and emotions swell beneath my surface, that tomorrow will bring with it a glorious sunrise - casting a new illuminating light onto another gifted day. A day I intend to live and love to its very fullest - stepping outside to not only see and feel the spectacular beauty of the setting sun but breathe in its unmatchable beauty. A day in which each one of us has been gifted to live and love to its fullest. A day in which when it comes to a close we can gratefully bask in the the beauty of its glorious sunset. After all, we are not losing today when the sun sets but gaining a beautiful new tomorrow. Love to you all.
Give yourself a gift and breathe in the beauty of tonight’s sunset. Even better, share your sunset.
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