[Blog
post written by Maren Engel]
I met
Ashley four years ago while working as musicians together at a local church.
Her sense of humor, authenticity, and spunk drew me to her immediately. We
became fast friends. I deduced that Ashley was sick, but my Midwestern
instincts told me not to ask. As my friendship with Ashley grew, CF creeped its
way into our conversation and as the god parent and eternal babysitter for her
two fur babies, I became more aware of the hold that CF had on Ashley’s life.
Unexpected trips to the hospital had me “on call” with pups Cooper and Kalvin
and I quickly learned the appropriate procedures when Ashley’s giant box of
meds was delivered to the front door. As a new member of Ashley’s world,
I was in awe of her unbelievable strength and as a fellow singer, the idea that
such a talented musician could be suffering from a disorder that affects her
ability to literally breathe was unfathomable. An involuntary human function
that I take for granted is one that Ashley struggles with daily. However, it is
a struggle that Ashley refuses to let limit her ability to make music—which she
describes as her life source—her necessity for life. How powerful.
Nothing
makes me happier than going over to Ashley’s for a glass of wine, a few puppy
snuggles, and a good gossip session. Ashley and I are what psychologists refer
to as “Highly Sensitive People” or HSPs. I prefer to call us “feelers”. Hence,
we have much to discuss. We spend a lot of time talking about happiness—where
it comes from, how to get it, how to keep it. Ashley’s perspective on life, in
part due to CF, is obviously unique and impossible to understand but she lives
her life the way we all should: present and with intention, taking in every
experience as something to cherish and grow from. It’s remarkable. Any active
Breathe Bravely reader knows this. Ashley manages to accomplish so much while
making time to enjoy a good dinner party, camping trip and to make every
single person in her life feel appreciated and loved. She’s captures what
truly matters in life. Her brave choice to share her journey with all of us is
a gift.
A wise
friend of mine and Ashley’s recently said to me, “Life is like a really amazing
cake.” In my case? Carrot Cake. “Everything that happens to us is either the
cake in the middle or the icing on top.” I’m a dessert fan, so the
metaphor obviously resonated. My take away was that most of our life
experiences are like building the cake. These are the experiences that shape
us, build us and mold us. And they certainly are not always positive. Sometimes
they’re painful and horribly earth shattering. But they’re
foundational--necessary. Then there’s everything else--the beautiful, fleeting
experiences that keep life exciting—that’s the cream cheese icing.
As I’ve
been reflecting on the last few years of my life and my talks with Ashley, I
realized that I’ve been busy trying to ice a cake that isn’t quite fluffy
enough yet. Annual travel experiences, activities that keep me busy every
single night of the week, applying for this, applying for that, escaping to a
new place—All things that will make my cake pretty on the outside. The icing is
instant gratification and so much easier. But I don’t think all of that icing
has made me very happy or fulfilled. So much sweetness has started to make me
feel pretty sick, actually. I need more cake.
The cake
metaphor immediately reminded me of Ashley. She’s baking her cake with all the
best ingredients and helping me choose my own for a well-developed cake and a
wholehearted life: Spending time with good people, practicing gratitude, peace,
and kindness, fueling passion, striving for contentment, appreciating the
simple things and learning to see myself the way God sees me. Mix all of this
in with the inevitable obstacles that cause you to grow—pain, failure,
uncertainty, disappointment—all of that makes a pretty fulfilling cake. And
just like any worthwhile thing, it takes a few tries to get it just right. Oh,
and of course the icing—all that sweet stuff—that’s really just a bonus.
I can’t put into words how thankful I am for
Ashley and for the light, wisdom, and courage that she brings to the world. How
lucky I am (we all are) to be a part of it. She is truly an inspiration. The
ever persistent echoes of CF are truly muffled by all of her goodness and
strength. I’m forever grateful that she has shared a little slice of her
cake-one of my favorites!-with me.
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