But there are parts of that honest artistry that we each try to hide, to diminish, to silence. We fear it is what will show our weakness, what will define us. Most of all, however, we fear its exposing vulnerability. We hold our breath and fight back tears hoping to keep such honesty that dwells deep within from escaping.
A Restless Truth
I still
awaken every morning to an anxious stirring within me. As my eyes meet my
reflection in the mirror at the break of each new day I have the same wave of
restlessness wash over me. I brace myself against the vanity sink, taking in a
thoughtful breath while trying to shake off the uncertainty that threatens to
write its way into my mind. I remind myself as I look into my own tired eyes, “this is my life and this is my truth.”
I continue on through my morning treatments, cocktail of pills, and getting
ready to embrace the awaiting day while repeating that simple, yet honest
phrase, “this is my life and this is my
truth.”
What is
woven within that restlessness? A choice I made almost two years ago to share
my honest life, to embrace all that I am. At its very core is an
unrelenting restlessness that comes from my life with CF and the decision to
openly share it. I think about how that decision has impacted me in both positive
and in difficult ways. I think about how that decision has given but also taken parts of my
life. In positive ways it is reflected in a powerful support and belief by
those people that anything is possible in-spite of CF. It is reflected in an
honest freedom. In difficult ways it is reflected in being defined as different,
incapable, and only seen for this invisible illness. There are moments within
each day that I am reminded about that decision and how it has influenced that
given moment in my life. In conversations, opportunities, and relationships
that decision stares back at me challenging me to embrace this artistry of being honest and to
see its true unique beauty written on every breath.
To Truly Live
At the end
of the day as I look at myself in that same mirror I began my morning, I remind
myself, “this is my life and this is my
truth.” Memories of people I love, conversations that have filled me, and
those moments that reflect how beautiful life is remind me of how this honest
life and that decision two years ago has given more than it can ever take. I do
not doubt that I will wake tomorrow morning with the same wave of restlessness
and anxieties, but I know for certain this honest life has allowed me to be
rooted in the deepest gratitude and leave nothing unsaid. At the close of every
night, I know I’ve lived without regret, loved deeply, and given endless
gratitude for every beautiful breath - all because of the
artistry of being honest.
Honesty
defines each of us differently. It manifests itself within us uniquely and is
shared through the artistry that is our beautiful life. Breathe bravely and
share your honest life that comes from within you. Is it always easy? No, but
the most meaningful artistry resides in vulnerability. Your honest life
reflects you – the most beautiful truth.
This is your life and this is your
truth. Embrace its beauty.
This is Part 1 in a several entry series dedicated to sharing my honest life.
Ashley, you're wonderful in so many ways. Know that you have so many people who care about you and love you! :)
ReplyDeleteAppreciiate you blogging this
ReplyDelete