Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Searching for Ourselves

From the moment our eyes begin to take in the beauty of the world, and our lungs drink in their first breaths of life-giving air, we are searching. Without a preconceived thought, we out-stretch our hands towards the world, searching. And as the years pass and our life’s story begins to unfold, we write its pages on the pursuit of something born deep within us. Our lives shaped and inspired by our search for connection and in those connections, a greater community. The passing and promised years inspired by a silent search for something beyond ourselves - a connection reflected in inclusion, understanding, and an embraceable empathy. A connection rooted in knowing we are never alone.

A Heavy Truth
I can recall specific moments from my childhood in which I remember standing in a room filled with people and having this heavy, yet hollow feeling inside my chest. A heaviness coupled with a truth I did not yet fully understand or know. That feeling is actually never far away no matter the years that separate me from those early memories. If I close my eyes and press the palm of my hand against my chest I can still feel a bit of that heaviness radiating from deep within my chest - a heaviness I would come to understand as an emptiness that I have been seeking to fill my entire.

The thing is, I didn’t realize the depth of that emptiness until I saw it reflected in the very thing in which could only fill it - a community connected by a truth born to each of us. A rare truth called cystic fibrosis. A community where none of us had to feel as if we needed to hide or to be anything but who we are - genetic flaws and all. While CF is an incredibly isolating disease, its community is built upon some of the most meaningful and deep friendships imaginable - connections bound by acceptance and understanding. But, it is so much more than that.  It is in that pervasive quest for connection and community that we are seeking the reassurance of a truth that we are not alone. There is no more beautiful of a feeling in life than knowing we are not alone, in knowing someone not only wants to understand but truly does. It’s that connection through truth we each seek our entire life that lays the groundwork for life’s greatest meaning.

Never Alone
That meaningful connection is what makes it so very difficult when a part of that community is lost. The last few months have been significantly hard in the CF community with so many beautiful lives lost - a neverending reminder of the cruel and merciless nature of cystic fibrosis. What is most difficult is the feeling of helplessness when it comes to supporting others as a part of your connected community. It’s hard for any of us to see people we care about go through any difficulty, sickness, or trial. With that said, I’ve known no greater heartache than watching my friends with CF endure its harsh truth. It’s always made even more difficult by the fact that I cannot be physically present for them. I feel that same heaviness in my chest as I did when I was but a child, but today, it aches because of the cruelness of an unforgiving disease. But through those deep feelings of despair and loss, may we be reminded that it is in knowing the depth of each other’s struggles and joys that we have found the greatest of truths - the embraceable truth that none of us is ever truly alone. That we are connected to something greater and deeper beyond ourselves.

The Beauty of Connection
Here’s to the memory of those beautiful people and the lives they changed through connection and building a meaningful community. May we share the same beauty their lives have shown each of us through acceptance, empathy, and the act of fiercely living. May every breath we give back to the world reflect the meaningful relationships that have inspired each of our lives and shaped us into the people we are at this very given moment.

It is our life’s greatest quest to find where we belong, to inspire life-changing connections, and consume our hearts with meaning. While our own hearts will always be in search of such a place, we must inspire to create within ourselves the same for others - a sanctuary of acceptance, inclusion, and embraceable empathy. Today, remembering all the beautiful individuals we have lost to CF, instead of my usual closing I end with a quote from the dear Claire Wineland who was an amazing force of positivity, honesty, and acceptance. “Be yourself, love yourself for who you are.”