To Be Happy

From the very moment that you wake up in the morning you are confronted with choices: whether to hit the snooze button, what to wear, if you're going to stop and get coffee, and if you're going to make today a good day.  The choices you make not only affect you, but the people around you as well.  The choice to live joyfully and find the good in everything holds great power.

When I woke up I found Mark had written this on our chalkboard:

"Each morn when I open my eyes, I say to myself: I, not events have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.  I can choose which it shall be.  Yesterday is dead.  Tomorrow hasn't arrived yet.  I have just one day- today, and I am going to be happy in it." - G. Marx

The Battle 

Do I get angry at CF? All the time.  Do I plead and try to make deals with CF?  Constantly.  Does CF care what I have going on in my life or about my dreams?  Not at all.  CF has its own agenda and my body is the mere vessel in which it can live out its plan.  Just for a moment I catch myself feeling normal, strong, and invincible.  Those moments when I think anything is possible and the future is endless are so blissful. Then, CF reminds me in some way of its presence and unyielding vengeance.  Can't CF just sit mildly in the background and let me have a few moments of bliss?  This week is a week that I have so greatly been looking forward to and what does my body want to do?  Revolt.  CF and I are in an epic battle this week to see who is stronger.   I, and thanks to my CF Team, will get through this week and I will prevail.   I alone have the power to choose whether or not CF will ruin me or motivate me.  I have the power to choose to be happy in every circumstance.  

Do I hate CF? Yes, but I have the power to choose to see the good in it and the beautiful life I have been given.  I think of all the wonderful people who have come into my life because of CF:  I wouldn't trade that for anything.  There is happiness in every day that is filled with breath.  Love to you all.

Will you choose to be happy today?

The Meaning of a Moment

I am a firm believer that the beauty of life is defined by the people that come into our lives and the memories we hold dear.  Think of all the people who have influenced your life and the memories they have helped create as a part of your life's story.  When I begin to think of all the people who have impacted my life so greatly over the years and continue to, I am filled with such gratitude.  I treasure so dearly each relationship and the beautiful moments we have shared.  Each relationship has made me who I am.

Memories

I have been thinking a lot lately about memories and the people in them.  This blog has caused me to sift through pictures to unearth some beautiful memories and spend time really thinking about the meaningful relationships in my life.  

CF has caused me to think a lot about memories from the past, and memories I am currently making.  Each day holds the potential for a wonderful new memory.  I find myself wanting to "make as many memories" as possible these days. Part of my lack of sleep is because I fear I may miss a few good moments of life.   I ask myself at the end of the day, "who and what made my today memorable?" or "could I have done more?" It can be the simplest of things like an unsuspecting person asking to give you a hug, or it can be the biggest of moments like sharing in major life events. They are all beautiful moments created with wonderful people.  CF has also caused me to ponder the memories people have with me.  Am I being a positive impact on their life?  Their memories? How will I be remembered?

Today
I stumbled across a sign yesterday that read as such:

"This is the beginning of a new day.  You have been given this day to use at your will. You can waste it or use it for good.  What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.  When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever.  In its place is something that you have left behind.  Let it be something good."

My memories are filled with beautiful laughter, tears, dreams, and hope for the future.  I am so thankful for each of you who impacts my life so greatly and has filled my life with amazing moments.  May I leave something good of myself everyday and find the good in every moment to come.  Love to you all.

What memories are you making today?

I could have kept posting pictures forever... 

Thank you all for the memorable moments.

In Sickness and in Health

[Blog entry created by Mark Bonnema]

I live with Ashley, and WE live with CF.  CF (cystic fibrosis) is absolutely a part of our relationship and our household. It affects our day-to-day comings and goings, and it has a voice in our future hopes and dreams.  Everything we do, everywhere we go… CF is there with us, tagging along and lurking in the shadows.  Since Ashley began writing this blog, many friends and family have gained a new understanding and appreciation for how CF affects Ashley and how she strives to “breathe bravely” despite the effects of CF in her life. Today, if you have the time, let me clue you in about how we cope with CF as a couple.

Ours is not the only relationship that requires some delicate balancing and coping with the demands of a chronic illness. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (www.aamft.org), somewhere in the order of 35 million Americans live with a chronic mental or physical health condition. Every couple or family that is forced to navigate life with a chronic illness must find their own unique balance, but here are some lessons Ashley and I have learned throughout the years.

 

1    In sickness and in health.  I signed on for this. When I asked Ashley to marry me and when we made our wedding vows to have and to hold… in sickness and in health, we made a covenant to love and support each other no matter what the future may hold. Did we want a life with CF, doctor visits, hospitalizations, PICC lines, medications, and vest treatments? No. But, our desire to live a life together was greater than our fear of living a life affected by CF. CF may try to slowly take Ashley’s breath and health away, but we refuse to let it take our admiration and respect for each other away.  We choose to love each other each day, no matter what challenges or stresses CF puts in the way. CF cannot take away our ability to choose love and to daily choose life with each other.

       Externalize. Perhaps you have noticed my referring to CF as its own entity, almost as a separate member of our family. In our attempts to cope with the demands of the disease, I think it helps for us to “externalize” the chronic illness, giving it a persona and character apart from Ashley so that Ashley and CF do not become one entity. Ashley is so much more than the disease she is forced to live with. She is beautiful, witty, caring, and giving. She is a writer, musician, wife, daughter, sister, cousin, and friend. CF is an unwelcome and unsolicited reality in our lives. Treating CF as an “outsider” or unwelcome intruder into our relationship and family makes me feel like Ashley’s partner and teammate, combating the disease with her. The CF is responsible for a lot of pain, heartache, messes, fatigue, and lost time in our house, but never do I take that out on Ashley or treat her as the problem. The CF is the problem, she is the one I love and the one whom I seek to support in the fight against CF.

      Be patient and flexible. Ashley may not sleep well for several days, and then want to sleep for hours on the day we are supposed to go somewhere. She may practice music for a whole afternoon, and then have no energy left to help with dinner or the dishes. We may have plans to go out or see friends, but then begin coughing up blood. We may want to go on vacation in the mountains with friends, but then realize the altitude would wreak havoc on her lungs and blood oxygen saturation. CF keeps us on our toes. It constantly throws curve balls at us. We never know when to expect an exacerbation or complication. We do not know for how many years Ashley’s lungs will be able to maintain her musical endeavors and career. So what does it mean for us to be patient and flexible? Realize some seemingly simple tasks may take Ashley twice as long as most people. Realize we may need to be prepared to reevaluate and redefine our hopes and dreams for the future at any time.  We learn to expect the unexpected, and be grateful when things actually go according to plan.

So there you have it, my rendition of how we as a couple cope emotionally and relationally with the demands of CF.  While we cannot ignore its presence or pretend CF does not exist in our relationship, we refuse to let CF be a defining part of who we are and who we want to be. We fight CF by choosing to love each other every day, remembering CF is the problem, and expecting the unexpected. 

What interferes with your relationship(s)? How will you fight to keep your relationship in balance?

Spring Winds

South Dakota

I live on the plains of South Dakota. Not like Laura Ingalls Wilder, but in a beautiful big little city where the wind can blow incredibly strong.  It is Springtime on the plains, which means there are days of absolute perfection, and then there are days plagued by extreme winds: complete with blowing tumbleweeds.  This time of year in South Dakota can be just beautiful.

This is my favorite time of the year. I wake up in the morning and see the sun pouring through the windows promising a beautiful day.  I envision stepping outside and feeling the sun warm upon my face: pure bliss. Wait. What's that I hear? It's the sound of the wind hissing through the trees and against the window.  I walk outside to take part in the beauty of the day and am nearly blown away.  I stand my ground as the wind whips through every part of me, trying to lead me to where it demands I go.

Windy Days
Having CF is a lot like living on the plains of South Dakota.  Some days are the most beautiful days one could ever experience in life and some days are like living in a wind storm.   The warm sun hitting my face on gorgeous calm days makes me forget about the unbearable "windy days." Those furious winds also make me appreciate the calm days even more.  The winds of CF are trying to push me off course, trying to push me to the edge, trying to control me.

South Dakota

The inflammation of my airways crucially affects what kind of day I am going to have: blue skies and a light breeze or gale force winds adorned with tumbleweeds? Some days nothing helps calm down my angry airways, and my lungs feel like wet towels trying to be wrung out.  I am always conscious of the air I am breathing in and how my airways and lungs may react.  I am constantly analyzing my environment: "What is the weather doing?" "What front is moving through?" "Is it windy?" "Are the farmers in the fields creating extra dust?" "Is there a candle burning?" "Is someone having a fire?" "What fumes am I inhaling: paint, cleaning solutions, perfumes?" My lungs seem to be more and more sensitive to the air around them the more my CF progresses.  My CF Team is constantly working with me to control the amount of inflammation caused by CF, as amount of infection often coincides with the amount of inflammation.

South Dakota 

Tall and Strong
When I wake up in the morning and peer out my window to the world, the bright sun and blue skies promise a beautiful Spring day.  Not until I get outside do I feel the wind furiously whirl around me.  I do my best to hide those "windy days" from the world, but I know there is still something beautiful in each of them.  CF tries to navigate the course of my life, but I stand firm and will not allow it to push me.  I am stubborn like the Oak Tree that stands firm among the howling winds on the South Dakota plains.  I may bend and sway, but I will not break to the winds of CF.  I will breathe bravely.  Love to you all.


Where is the wind pushing you?

At your Fingertips

Check out these Jazz Hands

Take a moment and look at your hands.  Think of every little thing your hands do for you during the day.  Do your hands reflect the years of life you have lived? What do they say about you?

Different

I remember being a small child and always looking down at my hands and noticing they were different.  At that time I didn't know why.  I remember seeing my brother's hands and noticing his were like mine as well.  Why did they look so different from everyone else's hands?  They looked different because we had CF.

When I first met Mark he told me my fingers looked like that of the 198O's character, E.T.  I still look down at my hands today, think of that moment, and how my hands look different.  

Why?

Clubbed Fingers

One of the prevalent physical signs of CF is clubbing of the fingers: severity ranging.  This is where the fingertips become swollen and rounded looking, becoming very bulbous like that of a gecko.  Along with rounded fingertips, the nail itself becomes more rounded as well.  Nails affected by severe clubbing depict that of an upside down spoon.  Clubbing can easily be seen by looking at the hands of someone with CF from the side or by looking at their palms.  

Spoons

I catch myself looking at my hands daily and judging their shape.  Are they more clubbed today than they were yesterday?  Do people notice my E.T. fingers and are they frightened by them?





What those Hands Can Do

Regardless of what my hands look like or your hands look like, we each have the world at our fingertips.  In the course of my life it doesn't matter if my fingertips look like upside down spoons, or that they look like E.T.  What really matters is that I reach out and grab onto every opportunity life has to offer with both hands; not letting anything slip through my fingertips.  I am so grateful for every little thing these gecko hands do for me: helping me out of bed in the morning, washing my face, playing the piano, driving my car, eating supper, holding a friend's new baby, playing fetch with my boys, and holding my love's hand.  I am grateful for all the hands that have made such an impact on my life.  Love to you all.



The world is at your fingertips: do something extra memorable with them today. 

65 Roses

Can you recall that feeling when someone says something to you, but you don't understand a word they said?  Or, when you stare intently for several minutes at a word you have no idea how to pronounce, hoping that the phonetics and meaning of it will just come to you?

My classic look during these occasions is what I like to call the "deer in headlights:" bright eyes swimming in perplexity.  I have this look mastered.

I am often met with the same look if Cystic Fibrosis is brought up in a new conversation.  Personally, if I were on the other end of the conversation, that would be a perfect moment for me to deploy my "deer in headlights" look.  

Cysti---what? 

In 1965, after learning her three boys had CF, Mary Weiss became a devoted volunteer for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.   Her task was to call on civil, social, and service groups to seek financial support for CF research.  Her four year old son, Richard, had been listening closely to each phone call from the other room.  After his mother was finished with a phone call, Richard came in and said to her, "I know what you are working for." Mary was shocked.  Richard had no idea what she was doing nor did he even know that he had CF.  Mary replied, "And what is it I am working for, Richard?"  His reply? "You are working for 65 roses." With tears streaming down her face Mary spoke, "Yes Richard, I am working for 65 roses."

Since 1965, "65 Roses" has been used to represent Cystic Fibrosis and has become the symbol for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.  Doesn't "65 Roses" just sound beautiful? An endless assortment of blooms that is each uniquely exquisite?  

Live with Beauty

I am choosing to see the beauty in Cystic Fibrosis, or "65 Roses." I will always choose to find the beauty in everything.  There is beauty in each of my relationships, conversations, experiences, times of trial, mornings, but most of all,  there is beauty in each breath I take.  Love to you all.

Buy yourself some roses today, and tell someone the story of"65 Roses." 

Sharing is Caring

I love to share.  What's better than sharing a hug with someone, sharing dessert, or sharing dreams over coffee?

Think of all the things you share with the world during the course of your day.  Now, think of everyone who shares something or themselves with you: laughter, a story, a pencil.  You probably encounter many different people and environments throughout your day. Each one is filled to the brim with "sharing," but have you ever thought about the dangers of sharing?


Danger of Sharing
For those of you who know me, I keep the hand sanitizer companies in business.  Hand sanitizer bottles adorn every room in my house and have a home in every bag I own.  Because my immune system is compromised due to CF, I have to be very attentive to the "sharing" of germs and the potential looming infection that can be caused from coming into contact with them.  The common cold can wreak havoc on the respiratory system of someone with CF, and the flu can be deadly.  Viruses, bacteria, and mold are the main sources of respiratory infection and complications.  Infected respiratory droplets can travel up to 6 ft from just talking, sneezing, or coughing.  Germs can then live for hours on a given surface: a coffee cup, a door handle, piano keys, etc.


All Germs Are Not Created Equal
Germs that do not harm you may still pose a great threat to me.  The thick mucus in my lungs caused by CF is a perfect place for germs to find a home and thrive.  Germs that may not affect you at all may very well put a PICC line in my arm and cause months of IV antibiotics.  5% of lung function lost may not seem like a lot from just a "cold," but when you don't have much to begin with, 5% is enormous. Not to mention, it is incredibly hard to gain back.



Living Life
What do I do? Live in a bubble with my hand sanitizer, soap, and disinfecting wipes?  No! There's too much life to live for that!  I just live very attentively to the presence of harmful germs and the potential for infection.  I have become very aware of the type of room I am in, how many people I am with, if they're sick, the air circulation in the room, and the surfaces that I have touched.  Sometimes it almost makes me crazy, but I know it's to keep me alive.

I care about you all so dearly and love to share my life with each of you, I just don't want to share that cold.  Instead, let's make a date and share our dreams for the future: I would truly love nothing more.  Don't worry, I'll bring the hand sanitizer!  Love to you all.

What will you share with the world today?

Walk this Way

What if the next step you took added a tomorrow for someone?  How many steps would you take? What if those steps gave someone the chance at another breath of life?

Me, Andy, & Kendra

I am so grateful for the people taking steps to give me a tomorrow.  There are absolutely no words to describe how completely humbled and grateful I am to everyone who fights to give me a tomorrow.  I am left in complete awe of all the love and support from the army of people who are willing to fight for me.  

Great Strides

Some very dear people came to me a few months ago asking if they could raise money and awareness for CF through Great Strides.  I was so completely humbled and overcome with emotion.

Great Strides is a national fundraising event where teams walk to raise money for CF research and drug development in hopes of finding a cure. 

Will you walk with us? 

The first opportunity is in 

St. Peter, Minnesota.

Saturday, May 1O 

1O a.m. @ Minnesota Square Park

Jaci & me

Click here for more info and to register for our St. Peter Great Strides Team. 

Your second opportunity is in 

Sioux Falls, South Dakota. 

Saturday, May 31

1O a.m. @ Spencer Park

Click here for more info and to register for our Sioux Falls Great Strides Team.

Your generous love and support does not only give me a chance at another breath, but gives hope to someone's family and friends.  CF is hidden beneath the face of someone's best friend, someone's sister, someone's nephew, someone's wife, and someone's grandson: raise awareness, donate, or just come and walk with us!  

Endless Gratitude

There is no way I can ever possibly repay the generosity shown to me from my friends, family, and complete strangers.  Thank you to my dear Andy who asked me if his NHS chapter could start a team and raise money for Great Strides in St. Peter.  I am so humbled by the "silent' work that Andy has done to support not only me through everything, but also the work he has done in sharing his passion for CF with his NHS students and leading their involvement with Great Strides.  

I am also so grateful to my dear friend, Jaci who also came to me asking if she could start a team for Great Strides, but for Sioux Falls.  The hope that I see on Jaci's face and how much she believes in this cause brings me to tears.  Her selfless determination gives me hope.  

I am left with no words to offer that could adequately express my gratitude for each of them and what they are doing for me.  I can only offer tears of humility.  Love to you all. 

How many steps would you take to give someone another tomorrow?

Cake & Candles

Birthdays, I love to celebrate them.  Wait, let me clarify: I love to celebrate your birthday.  I love to find something special just for you: to tell you how happy I am that you were born!  I love to celebrate a day dedicated to you!

Cooper's 6th birthday 4/2O

However, when my own birthday rolls around on the calendar I feel very differently.  [No, it's not my birthday: not until December, whew!] I truly wish it were a day that would come and go just like any other.  Why you ask?  To me, the date means so many different things.  First it means, "oh my God,  I made it another year.  I made it to be 27!"  Second it means, "Oh, my God, I am already 27, how did it go by so quickly?"

Panic
I then start to have a sense of panic.  I panic that my life is quickly slipping away, like I am watching sands in an hour glass run out.  Each birthday is usually met with quiet tears and the questions:
"Did I make enough of this year?" "Did I really live?"  "Can I hold time in my hands just for an extra moment?"


The number 37.4 [life expectancy for someone with CF] haunts every one of my birthdays.  Sure, people live beyond that, but a great many never make it to celebrate that number as well.  Most people with CF die from lung complications, primarily respiratory failure.

How can I put as much life as I possibly can into every day?  How can I experience everything?

The hardest part of celebrating another year is seeing what CF has done to my body in that last year.  I think about what I felt like 2 years ago, 5 years ago, or even 1O years ago and wish I had those lungs.  I wish I would have done more with them when I had the chance.  I wish I would have squeezed more life out of every breath.

Ticking
Every birthday causes me to ask myself: "what have I done with my life?"

3rd birthday - Always with a DQ cake.

All those moments I took for granted give me a sense of regret, thinking I could have lived more within those moments.  I then feel urgency to live as much as possible right now.  I jump to take every opportunity, invitation, and experience. Why? Because in the back of my mind I hear a ticking:  the subtile steady ticking of a clock, asking me if I lived each minute to its fullest and reminding me of the hour glass that is my life.  With every birthday the ticking of the clock seems gets louder.

Grateful
I am grateful for each birthday.  I am grateful to be 27.  I am just selfish and want 27 more.  I am grateful for every chaotic filled minute, every opportunity, every relationship, and every breath granted to me.  I will gratefully blow out those candles with every breath I am given, regardless of how many candles are on the cake.  Thank you to everyone who fills each one of my moments with such goodness! Love to you all.



Have you lived today?

In the Eye of the Beholder

[Blog entry created by Mark Bonnema]

Perspective

“I don’t want to go to work…. Its early… I wish I could push my snooze just one more time…” Welcome to my inner monologue in the morning as I crack open an eye and grasp for eye drops because I was too lazy to take my contacts out the night before. I do not dislike my job, but perhaps you can resonate with my tendency to bemoan alarm clocks and waking up early for work. I am not going to go so far as to call it human nature, but I think most of us feel like complaining, bemoaning, or grumping about our issues and annoyances from time to time. 

I see life through a pretty average lens – almost 30 years old, made it through school (a couple of times), have a job, cherish friends and family, have a strong faith, can never find enough time for hobbies and Netflix… life is good. Yet I find my reasons to complain.  Be it mornings, picking up dog doo-doo, home repairs, changing oil in the car, looking for a lost shoe, or not knowing what to cook for supper, I let little things get under my skin and sour my attitude.

When I catch myself in the act of being petty, annoyed, or impatient I try to take a step back, and widen my perspective. Being married to Ashley has made gaining a “wider perspective” pretty easy.

If you have been following Ashley’s blog over the past three weeks, you have likely noticed that she is full of determination, courage, bravery, compassion, hopes, dreams, and has an insatiable passion for life. Ashley maintains these admirable qualities despite the unsolicited circumstances that require her to fight for every breath, wake up early and spend endless hours doing therapy and inhalation treatments, take medications that both help and harm her body, worry about lung infection and inflammation, and cope with chronic shortness of breath. 

Cooking Class in Paris, 2O11

A Case of the Mondays

Ashley rarely, if ever, complains about life. If anyone has reason to do so, it would be her. But she does not let any problems, no matter how small or big get in her way. Rather, she takes life one breath at a time, trying to make each and every one count. She strives to make the most of each and every day, and lives like she wants to squeeze every last drop of life out of each day. I admire her for this. I love her for this (and many other reasons). She has taught me so much about living a full and meaningful life filled with and gratitude and passion. I only wish I were better at emulating her and living up to her example. She is a daily inspiration to me and reminds me not to take even one breath for granted.

squeeze every last drop

Today is Monday. Mondays have a reputation for giving people ample opportunities to complain and be grumpy.  Today I challenge you to widen your perspective. Be grateful for each breath you are given. 

How will you squeeze the most life out of today? 

Junkin'

Junkin' 

One of my very favorite things to do is to go "junking."  What is that you ask?  It's just another way to say "antiquing."  Some people think of it as junk, antiques, or old rubbish, but  I think they're all treasures in their own way.  I love to go into a shop filled from wall to wall with "treasures."  Each item has a story to tell, a history just waiting to be revealed.  Look around yourself, what stories are being told?



My Story
My lungs have a story to tell all their own.  They are filled with the history of each breath I have taken: the laughter, the conversations had, the air of cities traveled, the tears cried, and the scars of infection caused by CF.






The Scars
With every lung infection, scarring and damage to the lungs occur.  Scarred tissue in the lungs makes it more difficult for the lungs to function properly. The thickened mucus caused by CF coupled with the continued scarring and damage to the lungs is a breeding ground for bacteria and infection.   X-Rays and CT Scans are done in order to chart the progress of scarring and damage to the lungs: they help tell the story.  They can also show mucus plugging, bleeding issues, and the presence of a pneumothorax.

A Pneumothorax is a collapsed lung. This happens when air leaks into the space between your lungs and chest wall.  The size of Pneumothorax can vary.  A small incident will be closely monitored and hopefully heal on its own, but a larger incident requires a tube or needle to be inserted between the ribs to remove any excess air.  This past summer I had a Pnuemothorax.  My CF Team monitored me closely and it healed on its own.  The chances of another increase greatly once one has occurred and deterioration of the lungs continues to progress.

Stories waiting to be told.

Yet to be written...
My lungs may be filled with the scars left by CF, but they are just part of my story. Each breath I have taken is filled with beautiful memories, relationships, and stories. Each breath I exhale reveals the story living within me, and gives hope to my story yet to be written.  Thanks to you all for being such "treasures" in my life.  Love to you all.





What "treasures" fill your life?

The Arrow

"An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward, so when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it's going to launch you into something great, so just focus, and keep aiming." - unknown

I am focused.  I am driven.  I am dedicated.  Do my arrows sometimes miss the target completely? Yes, but I grab another arrow and take another aim at the target.


Think of the last time you felt the world was caving in on you, that there was a target in front of you but you had no arrow to shoot, or you completely missed the target.  How great did it feel when you had an arrow in hand and hit the target perfectly?



Trust
Imagine the tension in your fingertips as your fingers pull back the arrow, your gaze steady upon the target, your breath moving through your body, and your fingers beginning to let go of the arrow.  At that very moment all you can do is trust.  Trust that your focus, preparation, and dedication will launch the arrow forward to fly.  Once the arrow leaves your fingertips you cannot control its course, all you can do is just watch with anticipation and hope as it spirals through the air towards the target.



With every looming infection, with every ounce of breath lost, or with every progressing complication CF has to throw at me, I will remain focused on the target.  Those difficult days make hitting the target that much sweeter.  In the morning my body hurts just getting out of bed.  People with CF suffer from inflammation in their joints [knees and ankles], costochondritis [inflammation of the cartilage that connects the ribs to the breastbone], and the tearing of intercostal cartilages.  I know the first few steps in the morning are going to be the worst, but I trust that each step will propel me forward and get easier through the day.

I trust that the focus I have, the preparation I take [treatments, medications, rest], and the dedication I have to fight will all set my arrow soaring through the air.  The more I pull back on my arrow, the farther it will fly. In the face of any adversity CF has to offer, my gaze will always remain steady and focused, trusting that when my arrow is released it will soar towards the target.  Thank you all for cheering me on, it means more than you will ever know.   Love to you all.


Today, let your arrow soar.