Finding the beauty in every breath.
Fear. It's a powerful thing that invades each of
our lives. We can either allow it to rule every breath we take, or it can
propel us to live more boldly and with greater purpose. But it also can be the
smallest of motivating flames that can fuel the tinder into a raging
debilitating destructive blaze.
To say I don't live in fear of Cystic Fibrosis
would be a lie. Sure, I wake up in the morning and it's the first thing
that I think about and often the last thing that crosses my mind before going
to sleep at night, but we all fear that in which we cannot trust and do not
fully understand.
Fear is what motivated me to hide CF for 27 years from the
world: fear that I would be a burden, fear that people would see the real me,
fear that I would end up hurting the people I love, the fear of being seen as
different and weak.
But fear was beginning to suffocate me: the more CF
was becoming present in my life the more the flames of fear were fueled.
Just over a year ago I decided to break the reign fear had over my life.
It was no longer going to rule me, but I rule it. So, I opened the door to my
life and CF: I began this blog to share the beauty that fills my life and share
who I truly am, instead of hiding behind a fear that controlled every breath I
took.
Present
Little did I know just how that decision would
change my life in so many ways. Does fear still course through my veins? Of
course, but it's a different type of fear. It's a fear that motivates me to
live more thoughtfully. It's a deep stirring fear that motivates me to
passionately live in every moment, appreciate every breath that I am given, and
love with all that I am.
This weekend over 100 people came together to
represent Team Ashley at the Great Strides Walk: each person walking in the
face of fear, in the face of CF. Each step a resounding commitment to live.
When I begin to think of each beautiful person that was there, the beauty
they've brought to each breath, and the selfless support they've given me I am
brought to humbled tears. I know there never will be anything that I can say,
do, or give that will show how truly grateful I am. There are simply no words
that match the generosity, kindness, and genuine goodness I have experienced not only this
weekend, but everyday of my life. I am so truly rich because of the people that fill my life: each
relationship so unique and irreplaceable. Whatever fear CF may instill within
me, I know I am not alone in the fight: each of your steps a lasting impression
on my beautiful life.
Future
There is still fear that lives in every cough,
every PFT, every tinge of pain, every doctor appointment, every course of
antibiotics, and every thought of what the future may hold. But in the face of that fear there is an army of support and love that
is unmatchable: you. Fear is not going to paralyze me, but inspire me to truly
live. Amidst the fear I choose to breathe bravely. Love to you all.
Thank you. I have no words to match the gratitude I feel for
the incredible generosity you've shown me, the endless support you've given,
and the beauty you bring to every breath. Thank you for walking with me this
weekend, this year, and every day. Without any of you, I wouldn't be here. With all that I am, thank you.
Breathe bravely today and everyday, always finding the beauty in every breath you take.
"Fear is not going to paralyze me, but inspire me to truly live. Amidst the fear I choose to breathe bravely." This is perfection. Fear can be a beautiful motivator to LIVE. May you have oodles of bravery to share your story to more and more people. Love you. <3
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