This night
is one of the hardest, yet one of my favorites of the year. It’s a night filled
with so many raw and diverse emotions that amass over time as I do my best to
keep them in check and shrouded in a self-protecting cloak of strength - subconsciously
suppressing them throughout the year. It’s on nights such as this that I am
reminded how quickly time is passing, just how priceless every breath is, and no
matter what the days have brought and have yet to bring, no matter how
desperately I push proving to myself I am strong enough to live this life, I
will forever be writing my life’s story parallel to an unchangeable truth called
cystic fibrosis.
This specific
page in my story? This night? It’s our yearly Breathe Bravely backyard
celebration.
Honesty, Purpose, and Meaning
It’s during
nights such as this that I am forced to see such a truth and its influence on that
very given moment. It sets my emotions ablaze and causes my eyes to brim with
tears. You see, this truth is woven within every page of my life’s story. This
truth silently sends reverberations throughout every action, every
relationship, and every breath that I am given. This simple truth, however?
This life with CF? It has made me wholly who I am. And, as tears dare to
overwhelm my eyes as I simply write such a truth, I know I wouldn’t trade a moment
of any of it. I wouldn’t trade a single breath, a single ounce of lung
function, or a single moment of heartache if it meant not living the life I am
so fortunate to live today. I wouldn’t rewrite a single page of this story if
it meant not knowing what it means to love this deeply, live this honestly, and
breathe so purposefully. In truth, CF has inspired some of the most meaningful relationships
in my life and opened my eyes and heart to what it means to truly live – many things
people live their entire lives without ever experiencing.
An Intersecting Truth
For some
reason, this night seemed to be one of the most emotionally difficult ones I’ve endured
so far - surpassed only by its memorable and meaningful beauty. It took all I had
to keep from being buried in a medley of raw emotions. What was it exactly
about this night that left my heart and mind enveloped in emotion? It was a
culmination CF’s exhausting uncertainties and complications that have been
relentless these past months. It was seeing my storied truth before me married with the realization of passing time. But most of all, it was the sight of
seeing so many people who have impacted my life so greatly all in one place.
As I looked
out over our backyard I saw people gathered that reflected every part of my
journey. People, that without them, I wouldn’t be here today and this beautiful
thing I get to call my life would cease to exist. People who have helped shape
my past, the present, and are unknowingly influencing my future. People from
every corner of my life, there, intersected in a single moment in front of me. People
who have inspired and fervently believed in a life without limits and living a
life worthy of my own unique story - no matter my unchangeable truth. People who remind me that this truth that lives within every page of my
story has brought each of them into my life and shaped me into all I
am. For each of you I am grateful beyond words. Love to you all, now and
always.
Thank you
to everyone who came out to support Team Ashley Saturday morning and helped
make this year’s Breathe Bravely Backyard Bash so meaningful and memorable
Saturday night. Check out Breathe 3-65
this week on Tuesday to get a full account of the Breathe Bravely Backyard Bash
and all who helped make it possible!
