The voice. It is the purest reflection of
one's self and is the instrument from which our passions pour. It carries our
emotions, gives wings to the thoughts that resonate within, and transforms our
ideas into purpose. It embodies the complexity of our entire being, yet
it is born out of a simple beautiful breath.
Defining Who I Am
Singing has been at the very core of who I am for
as long as I can remember. Just like CF, it has always been a part of me. It is
the very spark that lives within me and renews my soul. While there is truly
nothing else that feeds my soul the way singing does, it isn't singing itself
that has made my life so incredibly full. It is the people I have gotten
to make such amazing music with and the act of lending my voice to something
greater than myself that truly gives meaning to my life. For the last 10 years I have passionately drown myself in
studying music: receiving my bachelors degree in vocal music and currently pursuing the last months of my masters degree in vocal music. It hasn't been
easy by any means, but the reward and inner joy I get from feeling the air pass
through my lips and the song of my heart being painted upon each breath is
incomparable. To be honest, my ability to sing has always meant that I am
still alive both physically and mentally. It has represented that CF is
not winning: that I am stronger than CF. Of course, CF has made singing
difficult at times, but that just means with each painful breath I know I am alive. It has forced me to treasure those moments
when my body feels "normal" and the air seems to just flow from
within. But it has also made me fight even harder through those moments I
feel powerless and as if CF is trying to destroy the song of life that sustains
me. The entirety of who I am has been defined upon my voice and my pursuits as
a musician. So what do you do when that very thing that has defined you is torn
from your life? When that very thing that feeds your soul and gives you life seems merely impossible?
Sing A Song
I sang for the first time in over 5 months just a
few weeks ago. There's nothing I've been mourning more these last few months
than the loss of my voice. For much of that time it was difficult to speak, let
alone sing. There's nothing I wanted more desperately than to just merely open
my mouth and have a note escape from my lips. Not only was I desperate to breathe, but I was desperate for
the song that lived within to be freed again. I always knew my voice would be
undermined by CF sooner or later, and ultimately be devastated because of it,
but I never could have prepared myself for the heartache and loss I've felt
over it actually happening. It seems I've had to relearn just how to simply
breathe again, not to mention sing. But, I am singing again. I know it
will never be the same, as this last CF battle has left my body so different. But I
am singing and that's all that matters. Whatever the future may hold, the voice within me will
always continue to sing, it just might be a different song.
1 Year
Regardless of what CF has stolen from me, the song
within me will be ever present. I will forever be finding my voice, in
whatever medium that may be. A year ago I published the first entry to this
very blog. Little did I know what would lie before me. I had started the blog
as a way to allow those I know and love into my life and see who I really am:
to unveil a part of me that I had hidden from the world my entire life. It had
become more and more impossible for me to keep hiding and running from the
realities that are CF. This blog is not about me, and I realize that even more
every day. It's about all of you: about the goodness, the love, and the endless
support you have all shown me. That my voice's purpose is to reflect the beauty
that is so present in every breath I am given.
I've always defined myself by the use of my voice:
the expression of the song that lives within me and that illustrates my life. I
am realizing that I have not lost my voice at all, but instead it is just being
used differently. That finding my voice is merely looking inside myself,
breathing bravely, and sharing the song that fills my soul in spite of
CF.
Thank you to each and every one of you for being a
part of this incredible journey with me: for believing in me. I am left humbled
beyond words and filled with endless gratitude for each of you. My life is so
beautiful, and I am truly thankful for each beautiful breath that I have been
given and each song I've been able to sing. Love to you all.
Sing it, shout it, write it: breathe bravely and
find your voice. When you find it anything is possible.
Tomorrow is April 1. Are you ready?
Join us on:
Instagram: Breathe.bravely
Twitter: @breathebravely
Tomorrow is April 1. Are you ready?
Join us on:
Instagram: Breathe.bravely
Twitter: @breathebravely
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