A blog about my beautiful life living with Cystic Fibrosis: to educate and help promote awareness and understanding associated with CF.
Dedicated to sharing my experiences of the good, the bad, the ugly, and the funny, so that all who so eagerly support the fight against CF, will know how much their love and support truly means.
Monday, December 14, 2015
Champagne Bubbles & Birthdays
Photo by Maren Engel
I stare into my glass of champagne and watch it freely bubble with life as the song "Happy Birthday" dances upon my ears. I wonder if those most comforting and familiar voices that surround me know the
weight of such a simple song. With every note I feel the ever present dull ache in the pit of
my stomach begin to stir ferociously. With every breath I can feel its stirring
panic intensify - bubbling up with every breath of air I graciously give back
to the world that lent me the last. For a moment I am lost within myself -
immersed within the champagne bubbles that yearn to kiss the air. As I feel
that aching stir threaten to overwhelm me, I fight back the tears that brim
I catch Mark's smile reflecting in my glass of
champagne. His laugh dancing within each bubble. The dull ache inside of me growing. I wonder if Mark, too, feels that same
unspoken dull ache within. That stirring unease about the passing of time and
the celebrating of birthdays. I am careful not to look at Mark as I know he'd
be able to see the well of emotion and desperation restlessly stirring behind
my telling eyes. The desperation to live. The desperation for one more day. The
desperation to stop time. I fiercely try and grip life within my salt stained
fingers - to hold on to another moment, another day, another year, another
birthday, another breath.
Tears threaten to interrupt the final notes of
"Happy Birthday" as each voice moves through me, embracing me with
reassuring comfort. Within every stifled tear a moment etched in my memory and
on my heart. Each a reminder that this life I live is filled with such
goodness. A life I wouldn't trade for anything. That dull ache of stirring
panic only combatted by the deepest gratitude that accompanies every breath I
take and the deep love I have for the people that fill this life. What I
wouldn't give to hold onto this moment forever.
This last year has been one I will never forget -
in so many respects. Through the very best of days to the most heart breaking
I've embraced every moment. I've embraced this life with CF and all that it means. Every single one of those experiences bringing me
to today - a place filled with such meaning, so many incredible people, the
deepest of relationships, and the truest of honesties. My 28th year was like that
of a beautiful bottle of champagne - bursting with life and fullness - more
priceless than I could have ever imagined. Yes, every bottle of opened
champagne goes flat at some point no matter the cost. But the dancing bubbles
do not lose their excitement to kiss the air, they are simply set free, never
once looking back from the bottle that used to confine them.
Photo by Jayna Fitzsimmons
Tear off the foil and pop the cork.
Here's to year 29.
To never looking back.
To embracing every beautiful breath that I am given
- whatever the days graciously bring.
To sharing endless love and gratitude with the
incredible people that fill my life.
Here's to truly living. With such love to you
Cheers! Pour yourself some champagne and set those