Monday, January 18, 2016

The Artistry of Being Honest - Part I

There’s a unique artistry in which we each live our lives, a way in which our journey poetically unravels itself. It is rooted in an unchangeable honesty born of every brilliant breath that we are given.

But there are parts of that honest artistry that we each try to hide, to diminish, to silence. We fear it is what will show our weakness, what will define us. Most of all, however, we fear its exposing vulnerability. We hold our breath and fight back tears hoping to keep such honesty that dwells deep within from escaping.

A Restless Truth
I still awaken every morning to an anxious stirring within me. As my eyes meet my reflection in the mirror at the break of each new day I have the same wave of restlessness wash over me. I brace myself against the vanity sink, taking in a thoughtful breath while trying to shake off the uncertainty that threatens to write its way into my mind. I remind myself as I look into my own tired eyes, “this is my life and this is my truth.” I continue on through my morning treatments, cocktail of pills, and getting ready to embrace the awaiting day while repeating that simple, yet honest phrase, “this is my life and this is my truth.”

What is woven within that restlessness? A choice I made almost two years ago to share my honest life, to embrace all that I am. At its very core is an unrelenting restlessness that comes from my life with CF and the decision to openly share it. I think about how that decision has impacted me in both positive and in difficult ways. I think about how that decision has given but also taken parts of my life. In positive ways it is reflected in a powerful support and belief by those people that anything is possible in-spite of CF. It is reflected in an honest freedom. In difficult ways it is reflected in being defined as different, incapable, and only seen for this invisible illness. There are moments within each day that I am reminded about that decision and how it has influenced that given moment in my life. In conversations, opportunities, and relationships that decision stares back at me challenging me to embrace this artistry of being honest and to see its true unique beauty written on every breath.

To Truly Live
At the end of the day as I look at myself in that same mirror I began my morning, I remind myself, “this is my life and this is my truth.” Memories of people I love, conversations that have filled me, and those moments that reflect how beautiful life is remind me of how this honest life and that decision two years ago has given more than it can ever take. I do not doubt that I will wake tomorrow morning with the same wave of restlessness and anxieties, but I know for certain this honest life has allowed me to be rooted in the deepest gratitude and leave nothing unsaid. At the close of every night, I know I’ve lived without regret, loved deeply, and given endless gratitude for every beautiful breath - all because of the artistry of being honest.

Honesty defines each of us differently. It manifests itself within us uniquely and is shared through the artistry that is our beautiful life. Breathe bravely and share your honest life that comes from within you. Is it always easy? No, but the most meaningful artistry resides in vulnerability. Your honest life reflects you – the most beautiful truth. 

This is your life and this is your truth. Embrace its beauty.

This is Part 1 in a several entry series dedicated to sharing my honest life. 

1 comment:

  1. Ashley, you're wonderful in so many ways. Know that you have so many people who care about you and love you! :)