"I Cried" - from the tears of a 33-year-old with an underlying respiratory disease amidst a pandemic

I cried tonight. I muffled my sobs within the palms of my hands as streams from the shower above raced my tears to the drain. A rolling steam engulfed me as I felt myself within the grips of disbelief - grasping for a different truth.

I cried for the life I feel we have just gotten the chance to finally live and dream about and could lose at such an unfair cost. I cried at the thought of one of us getting sick and being separated during these tough moments.  I cried at hearing the panic in your voice and reading it within your texts as we realized the scenario we feared was becoming more and more real by the hour. I cried recalling the desperate look within the oceans of your eyes - unsettled within the unknowns and the honest inability to protect me. I cried because I am unable to protect you. 

I cried for the nonrefundable trip we have to cancel after waiting two years to take. I cried at the thought of not tasting the salty air - watching our favorite sunsets cast an unmatchable glow across the gulf skies as my hand would silently finds itself laced within yours. 

I cried for the people who have lost someone to this devastation. I cried for those who are oceans away and those within my city who see the same horizon. I cried for those on the frontlines of saving someone’s loved one - tired, torn, and exposed. I cried for those facing moral dilemmas of care and compassion. I cried for the uncertainty that faces us all. I cried for a crisis that is dividing and devastating our world. I cried for the days ahead in which I know will be even more difficult. I cried for my compromised community that most likely will face loss because of such a virulent virus. 

I cried for those who live in fear - paralyzed by realities they cannot fully control. I cried for those who mock the encompassing unknowns of this virus and the people trying to protect others and themselves. I cried for us all. 

I cried tonight. I muffled my sobs within the palms of my hands as streams from the shower above raced my tears to the drain. A rolling steam engulfed me as I felt myself within the grips of disbelief - grasping for a different truth.

*Please, dear friends. These are not moments in which we need to be cavalier or prove our self strength. Sometimes the strongest thing we can do is take a step back, take a deep breath, and do what is best for one another: social distancing, isolation if necessary and precautionary, good and rigorous hygiene practices, and patience. We can come out of this together, but we need every one of us to act in the best interest of our most vulnerable.