There’s a
bit of fear that inhabits every truth that makes up who we are. It’s a fear
that is shared within every honest breath we give back to the world and
undermines the self-assured faith we hold within ourselves.
It inhabits a small
but powerful place within each of us and is fed by self-doubt and a relentless search
to find the perfect words that may bridge the gap of indifference. Such fear
dwells within our inner dialogue and stems from the very core of what makes us
who we are – that in which we feel makes us different.
We keep silent because of the fear that we might be misunderstood or that our
honesty will bare only our weakness. Silence protects our hearts while stifling
the voice that threatens to expose our vulnerability.
An Ever-Changing Journey
It was a difficult
decision to finally open up about my life with CF and let those I love and the
world in, but I had little idea that the most difficult thing would actually be
finding the adequate words to do so – to make it understandable, embraceable, yet
most importantly, relatable. To not create a platform for pity but an avenue
for empathy that extends far beyond myself. How can I relate a universal
feeling or experience to this life I’ve been given with CF? How can I translate
this ever-changing experience into words that may connect with the heart and
lives of those in which I’m sharing? Not to expose this life I live but to honestly
share this beautiful life I am gifted - showing that the details of each of our
lives may differ but that the difficulties we face, the beautiful moments we
celebrate, and love we all feel are rooted in the same breath that sustains
each of us?
In this
life with CF there are often more questions than I have answers to and a small
but powerful inner fear silences me from voicing my own self-doubts, and
the ruminating questions that stir within me. In such self-doubt and
questioning I feel most vulnerable.
“What if the right words escape me?”
It’s
something I’ve always struggled with - finding the words to translate the
embodiment of CF and its effects to those I’ve entrusted to be a part of this
journey whether it be the closest of loved ones or my CF Care Team. I realize
there are no “right words” to accomplish such a task, only a life that exudes
honesty and is built upon gratitude for every beautiful breath. Within each one
of those gifted breaths is a fearful vulnerability that challenges my initial inclination
to retreat within the safety of my silence and perfected façade. But I relentlessly
continue to search for the right and honest words, knowing that each one ignites
hopeful possibility that can only exist within the unique vulnerability that
makes me truly who I am.
The Right Words
Each day we are each given a choice: to be defined by the small yet silencing fear that dwells within
every breath we are gifted, forever searching for the right words. Or, we can live in a place of hope-filled vulnerability that
openly gives empathy the chance to thrive – trusting that the right words will always be present within each one of us. Love to you
all.
What perfect words are you searching for?
