I have done everything I can. I have followed the rules. I have pushed beyond the limits and expectations. I have made living life my priority. I have played the game with CF, and played hard. But what happens when I feel like CF is cheating? Not playing fair?What If?
I find myself at times thinking about the "what ifs" of life. We all do it to some extent. My biggest "what if?" I wonder "what if" I didn't have CF. What could I be capable of accomplishing in the world? Where would I go and what could I do? I wouldn't think twice about the future and all it has to offer. I wouldn't think about time. Nothing could stop me from living out all the dreams that fill my head. I wouldn't worry about being forced to just sit back and watch CF shatter everything I love so dearly. I wouldn't worry about what move it will make next, how it might cheat me out of the things I love to do, and most of all cheat me out of time with those I love.
I can handle CF. I can play its game. I can stand back up after being knocked down. I can rethink my strategy and fight even harder. What I can't handle? How CF affects the people I love. How it disappoints and lets everyone down at times, how it makes me weak, how it ruins plans with family and friends, and how at times I feel I have absolutely no control over my own life.
Thinking about the "what ifs" is a dangerous game to play, and it doesn't help me play the game, let alone win against CF. Thinking about the "what ifs" doesn't change the fact that I have CF: it's not going to make it go away. What do I need to do? Fight even harder, push beyond the limits and expectations placed upon me, live life with everything I have to give, and be grateful for each beautiful breath. Today starts a new game and I am determined to win. Thank you to everyone for cheering me on in this game of life. Love to you all.
What "what ifs" fill your game of life?
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