Monday, May 4, 2015

Day 34 - Breathe Bravely Challenge

Finding the beauty in every breath.

As much as I do my best to live in the very moment that is given to me, I can't help but be consumed at times with the deafening pleas for tomorrow that fill my heart. The past few days have been filled with the clamorous sounds of my mind desperately pleading with my body: begging CF to just give me time. I get caught up in thinking and dreaming about the future, but there's a deep pit in my stomach that never seems to go away: a constant reminder grounding me to the realities of CF.

My internal dialogue tirelessly stirring within me: trying to make deals between my body and CF. It can be a mere cough that catches me off guard and reminds me that I am not invincible, waking to a pounding pain in my joints as I crawl out of bed for the first time every morning, or the suffocating humidity that makes me aware of every breath that passes through my lips. They all remind me of how quickly CF can change everything again. I think about how long it has taken me to get to this point again, and how devastatingly fast CF can undermine the life I so desperately love and cling to.

Today, I am doing all I can to quiet my mind and be present in the moment that I have at hand. That's truly all we each are given. I cannot see what CF has in store for me tomorrow, but I do know I must have hope in today to have faith in tomorrow. There are no deals, there are no pleas that can change the cellular make up of my body: I have no control over that, but I do have control over how I live each day grateful for the life I do have. The pleas for another tomorrow will always fill the depths of my heart, but that's just because I so love the life I've been given. I will never be ready to give it up for CF. Breathe bravely today my dearest friends. Love to you all.

Live for today.

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