Sunday, May 24, 2015

Day 54 - Breathe Bravely Challenge

Finding the beauty in every breath.

The depth of who we are goes far deeper than what can be merely reflected on the outside, leaving so much of ourselves beneath the surface to be invisible to the world. What is reflected on the outside might give way and insight into who we are, but it cannot fully illustrate the depth of what lies within ourselves that makes us completely who we are. 

Normal Lungs
Cystic Fibrosis is often referred to as an "invisible disease." Meaning, that to general onlookers I appear perfectly ordinary and healthy. I used to think that one of the greatest compliments I could receive was when people would say, "I would have never known that you have CF." Somehow, I always thought those comments meant I was winning; that I was mastering the art of concealing this terribly horrifying and ugly side of myself. The more I projected an image for the world to see, the more I was suppressing the reality that lied deep within. The true person within myself only allowed so much to be exposed to the world: preventing even the closest of friends and family to know the extent of the realities that filled my life and my thoughts. 

I used to get a high from such compliments, but I know it all was just a game to me. A game in which I truly was the one losing, even though for a brief moment I thought was victorious. I thought that if maybe I could hide CF from the world and do it successfully, that somehow this life stealing disease really didn't exist. But it does, and it's a part of who I am. It affects the very foundation of my life: every breath. I, myself, am still dumfounded at moments when I look in the mirror. I wonder how something from within myself could be so ruthlessly killing me, when on the outside there are so very few clues alluding to the devastation happening beneath the surface.

My CF Lungs
 What we see on the outside is just a mere glimpse into the vastness of who we really are. Sometimes, we share only a small portion of ourselves with the world :allowing people to only get so close and keeping them a safe distance from knowing who we really are. 

But those things we hide deep within us away from the unsuspecting world are part of what make us unique, make us beautiful, and make us truly who we are. It's those very things that make relationships more meaningful and allow us to be honest with ourselves: allowing us to gain a deeper insight from within and into those who make our life most beautiful. Love to you all. 

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